Early Morning Musings.

I need to stop these stress dreams.

I just keep dreaming I’m near the top of this mountain about to climb into this cloud kingdom where everything is bright and colourful but then the mountain starts to shake and every time it shakes I stop climbing and hide.

You can’t just hide every time something shakes you though. Not if you want to get to the bright happy place. I know this. Knowing this doesn’t help.

I think a lot of my dreams revolve around the issue of ceding control in some areas. Like in some areas you have complete control. These areas are nice. Others force you to give so much to another person that it’s fucking terrifying. In my ideal world I think I would just be able to read peoples minds, then I would have some sort of passive control. You can’t just give up because of risk though. Right?

 

The bigger the risk the bigger the return. No?

 

Let’s say you have a choice. With opportunity comes opportunity cost. That is to say, if you choose one thing, the cost is not being able to chose all the other options. This principle applies to actions etc. So by choosing to do something you are sacrificing the benefits of not doing it.

Only with hindsight can you view whether it is worthwhile. And even then hindsight can only serve to make you feel bad. If you realise it was the right thing to do there is no benefit but if it was wrong it only serves to rub salt in the wound.

Choice is too much for anyone. Freedom is fucking scary. It’s confining in a way. Maybe I’m just living a paradox.

 

Only one way to find out.