First the dream. You can’t control dreams, this is the worst. This unbridled control your subconscious has over you. It can just ruin you and there is nothing you can do about it.
It was such a vivid dream though, I genuinely felt warmth and it was like some sort of virtual reality, I felt seriously awake, apart from the situation and things obviously told me otherwise. But it just reinforces this idea that I’m getting illegal thrills. I’m thinking about things that I have no right to think about anymore. I’m dreaming about affection that no longer exists.
I saw a picture today as well, it just jabbed a dagger of discomfort right on in there.
It’s like seeing the confirmation of something you’ve known for 4 or 5 or 6 months, something you’ve known that has made you feel something new. This emotion that cannot exist because of the contradiction. Like matter and antimatter cancelling each other out, just leaving nothing, just an emotional void. It’s bizarre considering how emotional I usually am.
One day it will be fine, it has to be. I mean it already is fine, it’s just my brain still hasn’t let go, it’s gripping on for dear life and trying to remind me that I should fight, but I can’t. It’s been over for a while. Wake up brain.
Wake up.
0 comments:
Post a Comment